wished

1. wooly grey tights
2. wool beret
3. a warm winter jacket.
4. the sonic brush

one in a million

I can't sleep tonight.  Why do I keep thinking about today?  What was so special?  I was working from 6:30 am until 2:00 pm.  My customers were yet again rude and obnoxious.  (No Surprise!) And my co-workers were equally as mean to me as ever.  I came home, ichatted with a couple of friends, shopped online... I guess finally buying the "perfect bra" made me happy.  Please, please, Aerie, come through with your wireless bralettes!  But I guess what I can't say on this account that I really want to say, maybe not to anyone in this world, oh my goodness, why am I so shy even while I am being private?  

sometimes

credits: altamiranyc
Sometimes I wished I had the perfect body.  I don't even know what that is.  But I wished I could make that one white t-shirt work.  You know?  I become so inspired by models, to look as flawless as them, but no matter how much research I do, I am not satisfied.  I just don't understand what I am doing wrong.  Maybe I don't have a pretty face.  Maybe I don't have have a face.  I should work on getting a face right?  Getting a perfect face for photographs.  Which face should I have permanently?  Do these questions make me sound demented?  Ugh...  I don't want to throw out the wardrobe that I currently have again.  I want to make it work.  Maybe I lost myself somewhere within this searching for a new person-- searching for a new person to be.  :'( 

i wished i could look like taylor warren

via 

find yourself

my new blog:

www.zenzoophotography.blogspot.com

only for my photos

and on here?  i guess everything else that is personal, that i am afraid to allow the public to read.  the part that i dont want everyone to see-- such an ugly personality behind the camera lens.  ugh, such a flawed character, i am.  One of my old friends actually asked me if i liked my character.  i honestly wanted to smack him in the face for being so rude.  but he had a point.  i didn't like my character. 

everybody's changing, yet i still stay the same

You know it is really strange to be in this position right now.  Going off to college, no longer having a curfew, meeting new people, being around new people 24/7.  I have a feeling that I am going to change really fast, the people I am going to love are going to be changing really fast, and there will be an immense shift of feelings.  And I kind of feel sad.  I know who I am.  I am like a chameleon, I change to fit into my environment, and I know everybody does that, but I am different.  I change, as in, I change and never come back.  I am not the type to remember people from my past; once I click the GO button, I am gone.  Sigh~ This is why I know I will never be able to love someone forever.  

portfolio

one of my ultimate dreams is to be a photographer for a magazine.  i really don't have a preference ( but i should right? ) but next year, i would love to intern for Rolling Stones or National Geographic or even Vogue.  I don't know, I want to be in their world.  I have a feeling it is absolutely fascinating.  It is a world I can probably learn a lot from.

oh we'd be so free, happy alone, sharing a smile, so far from home

I guess I have been contemplating about a lot of things.  It is the worst when I PMS but right now, I have many thoughts running in my head, both good and bad.  I am afraid to rant on this blog.  I wished I was one of those people who can keep her feelings private and sacred from the rest of the world.  But why do I alway feel the need to always pour my thoughts for everyone to try to hear?  Maybe it is because I feel so small and I like being heard.  Ugh, but you know what's ironic, I really want to be ignored at the same time so that way, I don't have to anticipate a response.  Yesterday, I went over to my aunt's shop in Elmhurst and I just felt so bad for her and my uncle.  The recession has hit the shop really hard.  They don't even care if they get robbed because they aren't even selling anything.  And I wanted to sincerely bring my camera to photograph them, not to boost their business or anything, but to document the faces of those hurt by the recession.  You can literally see sadness in their eyes as they sag down every time they speak.  And it is worst when a customer comes in to search for something but leaves embarrassingly, unable to find what he/she needed to purchase.  It is like a pang in my heart because they are my relatives and I want them to succeed.   I want everyone in my life that I love to do well.  And when they don't, I feel bad that they don't.  But yeah, it sounds like such a bad thing to want to photograph sad people, but that is why I love photography.  You can embrace the person in the photograph without even knowing him/her if you become really good.  Every time I take a good photograph, I feel a thrill through my bones.  It as though I caught a moment in time so perfect and so grand.  I feel as though I have control over time for once, that for an instant, I got to see what I wanted; not what God wanted me to see.  I had eyes.  And I had a say.  That is why I am seriously considering upgrading my lens ($200) for the 70-300 mm zoom lens.  They are magical.  If only I could've zoomed in closer in those zoo animal pictures.  Like I am fine the way they are, I have no doubt they could've been better with new lens, but overall, I was very satisfied.

Yesterday, I bought my first concert ticket to see Kings of Leon.  Some of my favorite songs from them are: True Love Way, Fans, and Manhattan.  I like to dance all night.  Hah, great lyrics to open a song!  It makes my heart smile, sincerely.  Sept 11-- WOOT BOSTON!